03 December 2012
***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***
Bathroom Light In Room B-3 Left On Overnight
In testament to the high degree of self-absorption among art school graduate students and in spite of their lofty claims to be making the world a better place, the bathroom light in Ahmanson Hall room B-3 has been left on overnight for the third time in four days. Because all housing fees are paid in full at the beginning of the academic year, the steep electric bill which such behavior typically precipitates and which in turn tends to serve as its strongest deterrent will not be forthcoming, thus ensuring the light will be left on for hundreds more unnecessary hours yet this school year. All six residents of B-3 deny involvement in the matter and have no further comment at this time. Intra-suite discussion of the light has also been tabled indefinitely pending the development of sufficient resentment among the residents to engender further talks. Residents ask that the media respect their privacy during this difficult time. Requests for interviews will not be granted.